Summer is almost here and there are a lot of films I’m looking forward to. “Thor”, “Green Lantern”,  “Super 8″, “Hangover Part II”, “Captain America” and the Final Harry Potter film. Its going to be a big loud summer and I can’t wait. Of course I know with all the movies I want to see this bikini season there will be a few that disappoint. Thanks for the suggestion of some of my subscribers on youtube I was given the brilliant suggestion of ranking my personal top 15 most disappointing movies of all time. Some things to note really quick: 1. being a disappointing film doesn’t necessarily mean bad just that it didn’t live up to its expectations. 2. I will only rank movies I have seen so if a movie doesn’t make the list don’t feel neglected, its just because I haven’t gotten around to seeing it more than likely. Also keep in mind that certain pictures like: “Waterworld” won’t make the list because by the time I saw the film I already knew it’d be crap so I wasn’t disappointed. Of course feel free to voice your opinion on my list. Okay enough chit chat, let’s get things started!

15. Wild Wild West Based on the popular Western tv show of the same name this 1999 film gave the world and Will Smith a movie so bad you’d be hard pressed to even find it played on free television anymore. When Will Smith’s name was first attached to the vehicle people were excited! And why shouldn’t they be? Smith had just made “Men in Black” and “Independence Day” he was a hot commodity. Then this garbage hit the movie screens and people were not only disappointed but it tarnished both Smith and Kline’s careers. You know your movie sucks when a giant militant robot spider is both the best thing and worst thing about your film.

14. The Powerpuff Girls Movie I was and still am a big fan of the popular cartoon network series “Powerpuff Girls”. The show was; clever, violent, fast-paced and funny and something I always enjoyed watching. The movie was an absolute disaster in my book. And yes while it can be said that the film made a slight profit it was a complete misfire on several fronts. When me and my brother first heard about the film we were pumped! Then we slowly began to realize the awful truth. The first mistake was the aggressive 24 hour advertisement blitz they did for it. For 24 hours all Cartoon Network did was play the movie “The Iron Giant” (one of the best animated films of all time) and ads for the Powerpuff Girls movie. People got sick of both films by the end of it all. The biggest mistake they made though was making the movie a prequel. Why a prequel? The Powerpuff girls’ origin story had been told a million times in the theme song already! We didn’t need a movie! Disappointing to say the least.

13. The Hulk most anybody who even tolerates Marvel comics probably already knows why this movie made my list. Seriously this movie was beyond a disappointment, it was just depressing to watch. My brother is a really big Hulk fan so he was even more disappointed by the film than I was. I’ll give Ang Lee some credit having recently watched the movie again its not as crappy as I remember, but its still crap. Everything was wrong with this film most notably the horrendous CGI and just flat out boring plotline but I will say that that there are two things “The Hulk” got right: Jennifer Connelly and the amazing soundtrack by Danny Elfman.

12. Speed Racer ugh! When the news came out that there was to be a “Speed Racer” movie I was excited. Then the images came out and to my family’s horror we found out Speed Racer was a white dude! Nothing against white people, I love you guys but how would you feel if in a movie about Jeff Gordon he was played by John Cho? Sorry was not cool with the whitewashing of one of the coolest Asian racers of all time. So despite all the Speed Racer magnets, t-shirts and other merch we owned we refused to see this movie, and most people didn’t see this film it turned out to be a car bomb of sorts and rightfully became the laughing stock of Hollywood.

11. Watchmen I know! I know! People are sure to send me angry letters as I type this. But seriously “Watchmen” is unwatchable for me. I saw this in theaters opening weekend a big fan of the comic and was utterly disappointed. It just didn’t translate well to film, it was too violent, that awkward 2 minute sex scene was just too much for me to bear and I found some of the more violent scenes to be so “Mortal Kombat” style bloody they were almost laughable. “Watchmen” isn’t a bad movie, but it shouldn’t have been made.

10. Speed 2: Cruise Control The first “Speed” starring Keeanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock was a fun, action-packed thriller during the heyday of disaster and violent action films. It’s sequel (this movie) was disappointing to watch even on a Saturday afternoon for free on television. The major issue with this film is that it was just not believable, you had to suspend disbelief too much and this is after watching a movie where a metro bus makes a 20 foot long jump on the interstate. Plus its a cruise ship those things can’t really go that fast. This movie just wasn’t thought through at all.

9. The Village back when Shyamalan’s name still carried a lot of weight was a very disappointing movie to sit through. This is probably the point in Shyamalan’s career where his movies became more about the twists than the actual stories they were twisting. With some embarrassingly non-creepy scenes and two plot twists that garnished laughs and groans from audiences this movie was a train wreck.

8. The Matrix Revolutions was simply put a rushed product. While the skeleton of this final installment in the franchise is actually pretty good and there are no doubt some awesome moments in the film in the end I felt incredibly underwhelmed and let down by the final fifteen minutes of the movie. Nobody seemed to really know how to end this trilogy, and it’s sad because the Matrix’s legacy will forever be tainted by this film. It’s not horrible by any standards but with everything surrounding it putting in a mediocre film is just confusing.

7. Spider-Man 3 is the next movie on my list and is also another 3rd installment in a trilogy. Unlike “The Matrix” though Spidey 3 was not meant to be the final film in the franchise. “Spider-Man 1 & 2″ helped change how movie studios and the mainstream public treated superhero movies but this 3rd film let a lot of people down. Now let me say that I actually don’t hate this film I think its a decent enough movie, it’s just not anywhere near the level of one or two. There were too many baddies and Venom did not get enough face time. Sadly Sam Raimi never got a chance to redeem himself as while working on the 4th movie he allegedly felt rushed by the studio and then dropped out. And thus one of the greatest superhero franchises of all time ends on a sour note. Peter Parker would be proud.

6. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull I saw this on my birthday (big mistake) watching a movie on my birthday hasn’t fared well for me in a while. Indy 4 was no exception to this rule, I am a huge Indiana Jones fan. It’s one of those films that made me want to make movies but this was hard to watch. Sure it has its inspired moments and Harrison Ford is great with the material he’s given but the whole movie is a mess! First they take a piss on the fantastic ending of first Indiana Jones film, then they have the infamous “nuking the fridge” scene. (Actually I didn’t mind that scene its an Indiana Jones film its not supposed to be realistic) but the obvious plot twists and a hackneyed ending that was really a rehash mix of The Last Crusade and Raiders of the Lost Ark. It’s not the worst movie in the world, but why even make it?

5. Terminator Salvation is the movie I saw for my birthday the following year, because I hadn’t learned my lesson. The dialogue was atrocious, the acting was weak for the most part and the script was limp at best. It was such a poor experience that I found myself not even caring if John Connor died or not, now that is bad. This was the movie every single Terminator fan was waiting for, the movie that showed the war of the machines in a post-apocalyptic world. How this was messed up I will never know, the first 10 minutes were spectacular and then it just went horribly downhill from there. Lucky for me someone else paid for my ticket.

4. Seven Pounds was advertised as an Academy Award worthy film that was going to be on par with Smith’s previous work “Pursuit of Happyness”. But what me and my friends witnessed was nothing like that, instead we got a mopey, boring, manipulative waste of time! Come on Smith you could have done better than this! I’m still not sure why some people liked this film, most everything that happened in the movie was predictable and it just left a bitter taste in my mouth. I wouldn’t rewatch this piece of junk if someone paid me $10. That’s a lot of money for someone who considers shrimp ramen ‘exotic’.

3. Superman Returns in 2006 the world was ready for a new Superman movie, it just wasn’t this one. It’s a well made film in terms of cinematography, special effects and directing but it really fell flat on its face. It broke too many classic Superman rules like having Lois Lane be married to someone else with a kid, and it being totally boring. Kevin Spacey was good as the iconic Lex Luthor and Brandon Roth does look right for the part but it was way too long and even the action scenes were uninspired. As one of my friends brilliantly pointed out: “Superman gets beat up by Kumar.” I think when that happens in a movie you should classify it as a disappointment.

2. Aliens 3 took two classics known as “Alien” and “Aliens” and then stomped on their gonads, slapped their mother and then defecated on their bruised bodies. This film’s major fault was destroying the legacy left by the first two movies in particular “Aliens” so much so that Michael Biehn who acted in “Aliens” basically sued Twentieth Century Fox. James Cameron and Ridley Scott were rumored to be beyond pissed and it almost caused David Fincher (his debut film) to quit filmmaking all together. The script was awful, its Fincher’s worst directing job by far. To be fair to Fincher he apparently had a lot of reservations about the film. But the point was it was made and it was a HUGE disappointment they took two masterpieces and ruined RUINED a franchise. They didn’t taint a franchise, they RUINED one. Every time I watch “Alien” or “Aliens” I just have to shut off the part of my brain that tries to remind me about this abomination to all cinema. I hate this movie with a raging passion and it was by far one of the most disappointing things to sit through. Fincher apparently isn’t too fond of the movie either as for the special edition DVD he didn’t even do commentary. May this film burn forever in movie hell!

Honorable Mentions: Rush Hour 3, Muppets in Space, Men in Black II, The Godfather Part III and Ocean’s Twelve

1. Star Wars: The Phantom Menace The original “Star Wars” trilogy is revered in Hollywood and throughout the world for its ground breaking special effects, fantastic musical score, engaging storyline and memorable characters. “The Phantom Menace” is known for an ill formed pod race storyline, lackluster acting from young Anakin and easily the most unforgivable character ever introduced into a franchise followed only by Dobby from the Harry Potter series. Jar-Jar was a mockery of all things Star Wars and aided in a rough start to George Lucas’ new trilogy. Lucky for Star Wars fans Jar-Jar’s lines were cut more and more. In fact in the 3rd movie the magnificent “Revenge of the Sith” Jar Jar doesn’t talk at all. I was hoping he’d be killed but maybe that was asking for too much. Disappointment doesn’t even begin to sum up this cinematic dysfunction as it turned off many people trying to get in on the Star Wars fun as this was the first movie they saw. That’s not just disappointing that’s downright destructive.
Agree? Disagree? Post your own disappointing movies in the comments section. And if you have a top 15 list you’d like to see let me know!

May 4, 2011
Categories: Commentary, Editorial, Reviews . Tags: 2003, alan moore, alien3, aliens 3, ang lee, bad, best, brandon roth, commentary, cruise control, danny elfman, david fincher, disappointing, downers, films, franchise, george lucas, harrison ford, horrible, indiana jones, indiana jones 4, james cameron, jar jar, jar jar binks, kal penn, keeanu reeves, kevin kline, kevin spacey, kingdom of the crystal skull, kumar, let down, M. Night Shyamalan, matthew robinson, men in black 2, michael biehn, most, movies, muppets in space, nuking the fridge, ocean's twelve, powerpuff girl, powerpuff girls movie, rankings, returns, revolutions, ridley scott, rush hour 3, salvation, sam raimi, sandra bullock, sequel, seven pounds, sigourney weaver, speed 2, speed racer, spider man 3, star wars, superman, terminator, the godfather part 3, the hulk, the matrix, the phantom menace, the village, top, top 15, trilogies, watchmen, whitewash, wild wild west, will smith, willem dafoe . Author: iconmatthew1

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